I’m Nancy and I’m an….

“I’m Nancy and I’m an addict and I hope I’m in the right place” were the first words I said on Monday, June 29, 2009 at 8:00pm.  This is also when someone said, “Welcome home, and yes you are in the right place.  Keep coming back.  We’re glad you’re here.”  I was so scared.  I lived in fear for all my life and had these strangers telling me all of this!  These are the things I remember from my very first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.  It was a “Came to Believe” meeting upstairs at the Whitehouse. I sat on a couch with my daughter.  I was scared still.  When the meeting ended, we left immediately but these people weren’t running away.   I couldn’t figure that out.  I still didn’t know anything but I kept coming back with my daughter for support; I still got to the meetings on time and left immediately.  I felt safe in the meeting, but scared when I left.  I can’t honestly say when I realized I had hope.  I don’t even remember when I started walking into the meetings by myself.  Something inside of me changed.  As some point, I realized that I am not alone.  I felt so much love that the only way to explain it is that all of you loved me until I could love myself.   I also remember asking, “Is there a right way to pray?”  Since I have my own higher power and I know he loves me too.  He is never too busy for me.  Since those scary days, I’ve grown, but have had a lot of help.  I got the most wonderful sponsor, who tells me the things I need to hear, not just what I want to hear.  She holds me accountable.  I thank God everyday for my sponsor and AA.  Today I am so happy to be alive, I can love, and be loved.  I can have goals, I can fulfill commitments.  I can be a mom, grandma, friend, and I can say I am a child of God.  Thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous, I’m going away for a while to clear up some wreckage of my past, but I will be back.  You are all in my heart and my prayers.  I want to thank each and every one of you for all you have given to me so freely.  I just love how this works.  You have to give it away to keep it.

– Alcoholic/Addict