Wake Up

When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside of you as fear.

~ Carl Jung

“It is time to wake up and smell the coffee.” At least, that was what I was told umpteen times. I wanted to scream obscenities. How dare they say that to me? Don’t they know how smart I am? Who the heck do they think they are? It’s my life and my body! I can laugh at the little girl within me. She was very angry and scared. It took several weeks for me to calm down and stop fighting everyone in AA that was trying to help me. I had a bee in my bonnet, and nothing set quite right for me. So, I would stomp my feet, slam doors shut, slam my book shut, and sigh heavily when they talk too long and read too much.

And, those in AA would say, “keep coming back.” Or, “we love you”. Or,”we are glad you are here.” This thing called unconditional love and acceptance was scary and foreign to me. I only knew rage, incrimination, and me and the kids against the world. Who would have thought this scared little girl would stay long enough to be one of those pesky old timers who would be saying all those loving things to new people? Who would have thought I would stay long enough to learn anything? I had never stayed anywhere for any length of time be it a job, a house, a relationship, or a town. Thank goodness I listened and learned. I thank AA for that.

 

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