Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. ~ Big Book, pg. 21

My mom used to describe my dad as a “prince of princes” when he was sober. But, let him get high on hard liquor, and he became a monster. I am my father’s daughter. I could drink beer until I got “stupid.” When drunk on beer, I would have loose lips, an open pocketbook, and plenty of love for everyone in the bar. But, given just 1/2 of the same amount of hard liquor, I became the nastiest person you could ever hope to never meet. I would get into knife and bar fights. I would say and do things to people that now-a-days would end me up in the clink. But, I was raised in a town that had so many alcoholics breaking the law, that there would not be enough jail cells to house all the offenders. So, instead of being confronted or held accountable for my alcoholic behaviors, I got off with a reprimand, a scolding, and maybe a call to my dad. This pattern just kept me sick and let me get sicker.

I have no idea why I found recovery and got sober, yet my dad did not. Perhaps he was too far gone, or he was carrying too much guilt and shame. I have no idea. I just know that I got lucky. I did not have to go through those final, fatal scenes of being an active alcoholic. I am glad I paid attention when I heard these words in the middle of my last spree: “don’t you think you have had enough?” That was the miracle that pulled me out of my insanity and put me on this path of happy, joyous and free living. Thank goodness I heard the words and paid heed. Thank goodness for AA, sobriety, and a chance at a life I could never have dreamed of.

 

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