Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. ~ Big Book, pg. 30.
I had a peculiar interest in pop psychology, so I was always experimenting with the latest theories of drinking, alcoholism, etc. I would do my experiments in the bars of course, and while half lit. I remember one time I latched onto the concept that alcoholism was actually a physical allergy, much like to rag weed or dust mites. So, I decided that I would only drink one beer to see if I had any allergic reactions. I ended up noticing my lips and nose went numb right before I fell into yet another black out. 2 or 3 days later, I decided that it must have been that one beer, thus I launched into a different alcoholic drink for a period of time to avoid another “allergic” reaction. I still blacked out. I still got drunk. My lips and nose still got numb. I was totally confused, but it did not stop me from drinking.
Last night, we were reading Step #6. It talks in there about how the alcoholic will do exactly the most self-harming thing thereby overriding his/her own desire to survive. Our physical desires for more override our survival instincts. I certainly could relate to that one. I am glad I found AA before me desires to have more overrode my desire to survive. Not all of us get out of this disease alive. Those of us lucky enough to have survived need to be the alarm system for those who think they can beat this disease with tricks and schemes. This disease will kill us; but first it will rob us of all things and people that ever matter to us. Act as if this disease will kill you, and act accordingly.