This Delusion

The persistence of this delusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. ~ Big Book, Pg. 30

A delusion is a belief in something that does not make sense. It is a lie we tell ourselves. I remember telling myself just about every night after work that I deserved a little bit of fun, that I would just stay one hour, that everyone else got to do it, that no one cared anyway, etc. I lied to myself. The greatest lies are the ones we tell ourselves. Most everyone else can see the forest for the trees. They can see the truth. And, while we are judging ourselves by our intentions, the rest of the world is watching our behaviors. You can pretty much guess how a person will act or react based on their personal history. My history was riddled with empty promises and a series of swearing off alcohol forever.

So, when I got sober, my family and friends thought I was joshing them. They thought: Okay, here she goes again! Watch her fail. They would offer me drinks, laugh at me, and mock my new lifestyle. Little did they know that God was working in my life overtime. I was way beyond human persuasion or peer pressure. I had been relieved of the obsession to drink. What used to be my first and foremost answer to life’s problems, didn’t even sound like an option to me anymore. I had watched my fair share of loved ones and drinking buddies who never made it out. I did not want that death or that mental health commitment. I am glad I have not answer the call of alcohol ever since. Thank goodness for AA.

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